We received an email yesterday morning saying that we need to be in China sometime between August 5th-7th. That is news to us! That’s about a week or two earlier than we were expecting to take off. Knowing this, my wife and I have rushed around at speeds beyond the limit for indoor activity the last couple days (after returning from Chicago with our visas) packing, repacking, loading, and moving.
With a move comes mixed feelings. These similar feelings came 3 years ago the first time we moved to China. What history has taught me is life is just a mess if I try to handle feelings on my own. Thus, I have been going to God, friends, positive music, and mentors. It has been through some friends/mentors that my feelings have been expressed to an extent. “This is sad, yet awesome.” “We’re going to miss you guys.” “We’re excited for you.” Through these statements, my heart has been touched, yet it hasn’t been fully expressed, if I am to be honest.
What do you mean? How do you feel right now?
I will miss some people and other events in life, but I am much… much more excited to live with nationals and experience life with them once again. Being a week out, I am not sad. I believe this is what we need to do. We need to move on and go where we have been called. Why should I be sad, afraid, scared, or not be ready? Those feelings will inevitably happen when we are there anyway. I will never be ready on my own. This is where surrender has to occur! If I want to stay comfortable, I am able to here and even there because of how westernized our city in China is. That means I need to be careful. Careful is another feeling, if it is one, residing in my heart and mind in this transition. My wife and I compiled a list of actions and feelings we had during the first stint that we want to avoid this time, and I want to be cautious of where my heart will be in regards to living the everyday life, relationships, and communicating with others.